August 20, 2015

Thank you all so much for your support and patience of late. I am back teaching now. Come to class. I’d love to see you.

I have been thinking a lot about grief lately. Well, honestly I have been doing a lot of grief lately. As lots of you know, in the course of last month I lost my boyfriend to his dirt bike and the woods and my home to land lord greed. Neither of which can ever be replaced, even if and when new ones emerge. In this process I have found lots of new friends and my heart has grown 3 sizes. I have been loved and gifted support in ways that are unreal, overwhelming and even embarrassing. But, I don’t really want to talk about those details. Instead all I keep thinking about is surrender and how powerful and scary it is to try to do so. You cannot control the story if you surrender, but you don’t ever have to give yourself away. It is the ultimate act of trust. And that is what we do when we practice Yoga. We offer up our hearts to the moment with kindness and love so that we may be available to what we see and feel; and the beauty is that we do that as ourselves as we are at that moment. And, if we do that with compassion for ourselves instead of judgement we have surrendered and we grow. That’s amazing. It still amazes and surprises me every time I feel my practice working.

This morning as I was drinking tea a memory of walking onto the school bus in 7th grade came to mind. My New Jersey school district had changed the bus zones that one year and we got a bus to middle school instead of walking and that bus picked us up and then traveled away from school to pick up other kids and then back towards school…made no sense…but I was grateful for the crazy times on that bus. One morning this kid Jim got on the bus and in his army fatigues and said “Srgnt. Lundi is his name, he’s so crazy he’s insane” and then he said, “This next song is the first song off our new album.” And we all knew what that meant and we started to sing Cheap Trick’s Surrender. It was a kinda magic, it has always stayed with me, that middle school moment of pure surrender to the moment.

Surrender is not about giving in, or even just letting shit be. It is about being brave enough to be present with what is going on around you and in you with open eyes and open heart so that you may walk though with only wonder at this life we have been gifted. It is not a white washing of pain or laying down of arms it is a wholehearted honest embrace of what is and who you are. In that there is joy even when there is the deepest of sorrow – often and inexplicably at the very same time. Practice. This world needs it.




ps – many of you have asked how you can help me. please consider donating to Ed’s Get Out And Learn program at Downtown High School in San Francisco. I have met many of his former students and heard about and seen in them what Ed and access to the program gave them. You can learn more and donate here.

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